Asshole Father

Love. Such an innocent, small word, and yet it has such a big meaning, with very intense feelings. For Gabriel Harmon, that one word, that one, intense emotion, had led him to the most horrible feeling he could imagine: Heartbreak. All because of one person: Gage Immerson.

Gabriel came out of the bathroom in only a pair of jeans that rode low on his hips, his blond hair slicked back from his shower. Grabbing his cell phone, he collapsed onto his bed, staring up at the white ceiling, bare feet on the floor. Taking a deep breath to slow his racing heart, he speed-dialed Gage, both hoping he'd pick up and praying he wouldn't. One ring. Two rings. As he listened to the rings, memories of last night came to his mind unbidden.

Gabriel stood by the train tracks, watching as it disappeared into the night. The rain picked up momentum, switching from it's lazy drizzle to a downpour, soaking him almost immediately. His broad shoulders heaved as he sighed, his heart cracking a little more. He brushed his blond hair back, out of his face, then took a step back. He took another step back, then turned on his heal, and walked. Without so much as a backward glance, he left the train station, head bowed in defeat, the rain hiding his tears.

"Hello? Look, I know you're there, Gabe. I can hear you breathing."

Jolted from his reverie, Gabriel sat up.

"I need to see you."

A pause; then, "I can't right now."

"When can you?"

"Later tonight. Meet me at our spot at eight." Gage clicked off.

Gabriel's heart skipped a beat. Gage had actually agreed to meet him! He felt like running a marathon. Glancing at his watch, he saw that he had a little over three hours to kill. Maybe he could get some work done. And some laundry. But that wouldn't take long enough... Maybe he could go grocery shopping. Yeah. He'd toss a load of clothes into the wash, run the grocery store, and get some work done. That oughta keep him plenty busy until eight.

~~~

Gabriel arrived at the secluded park five minutes early. He was dressed in his best body-hugging jeans, a Caribbean blue tee shirt that was tight enough to be a second skin, and black Nike's. The shirt made his blue eyes stand out, and his blond hair was combed back, out of his face. In short, he was dressed to impress. Now here's to hoping Gage would actually notice. He glanced at his watch. Eight o'clock.

Gage appeared from behind a stand of trees, his gait slow as he walked forward. Gabriel's heart sank a little; Gage didn't look too happy. When Gage reached Gabriel, he was silent, his head down, gaze studying the grass. When Gage still refused to look at Gabriel a minute later, his heart sank the rest of the way to the pit of his stomach.

He began speaking quietly:

"I waited for you yesterday.
I waited and missed the last train.
I waited to say
That I'd fallen in love with your way."

"I'm sorry," Gage said, finally looking up at Gabriel. But Gabriel didn't care. It was like something had finally snapped within him, and he needed to say this. So, staring directing into Gage's sad green eyes, he continued:

"I waited for you yesterday.
Eventually walking home in the rain.
I waited to see
If you felt the same for me."

Gage's eyes widened, and for a moment, Gabriel felt his hope rising. The hope died a moment later when Gage looked away, his expression sad.

"Gabe, I love you. You know I do, but my da-"

Gabriel cut him off:

"But you don't
And you won't
Go against you asshole father."

He paused only long enough to take a deep breath.

"Going broke,
Quitting dope
For your folks.
Why did I even bother.
Why did I..."

It was clear that Gabriel's words were made Gage uncomfortable; he fidgeted the whole time Gabriel talked.

"I'm sorry, Gabe, really. I love you, but I can't- My dad-" Gage must have seen the hurt in Gage's Caribbean blue eyes, because he stopped what he was saying. When Gage reached a hand up to caress Gabriel's cheek, Gabriel flinched away.

"I waited for minds to change.
Pointing their fingers of blame.
It's not my fault you're ashamed
Of how you feel.."

"I'm not ashamed of how I feel!" Gage exclaimed indignantly. "I just-"

"But you don't
And you won't
Go against your asshole father.

Going broke,
Quitting dope
For your folks.
Why did I even bother...
Why did I...."

Gabriel turned around and started walking away. He'd had enough. Enough of Gage's indecision, of his excuses and his lies. Just... enough. His heart was broken and bleeding. He felt like the biggest idiot on the planet. All because he had the gall to love Gage Immerson, a real daddy's boy. Gage's father was straight-laced and extremely homophobic. God forbid his precious son love another man. That was totally unacceptable. Disgusting, even. And Gage...

"Gabe, wait." Gage grabbed Gabriel's arm, halting his escape. "Why can't you see that I really do love you? I just can't be with you. Not right now, at least."

...Gage did absolutely nothing, except let his father run his life. If Benny Immerson said jump, Gage says How High? If Benny says "Dump that piece of trash," Gage would say, "Yes, Father. Right away, father." So how the HELL can Gage just stand there and tell Gabriel that he loves him, yet do not a fucking thing to prove it?

Wrenching his arm free, Gabriel said:

"Cause you don't.
Just admit it.
Cause you won't.
Just admit it,
Just admit it,
Just admit it,
Just admit it,
Just admit it!"

Gabriel turned around, and Gage took a stumbling step back when he saw the rage in Gabriel's eyes.

"I called you a whore
And broke down your door,
But you don't even hate me."

Gage couldn't think of a single thing to say as he stared, mesmerized, into Gabriel's cold, hard eyes. He wished he hadn't been the cause of the desolation he'd glimpsed in them a few times during the last few months.

"And how could I heal
When you won't even feel.
Why won't you hate me."

Gabriel closed his eyes, unable to look at Gage any longer without feeling such total desolation, such emptiness, and he didn't want to feel like that. So he closed his eyes, closed out everything except his words. Well, he tried to, anyway. Gage intruded into his thoughts, though.

"I could never hate you, Gabe," Gage said softly.

A surge of anger hit Gabriel then, and he couldn't hold himself back anymore. He shoved Gage back, knocking the other man off balance. Too bad Gage quickly straightened.

"But you don't
And you won't
Go against your asshole father.

Going broke,
Quitting dope
For your folks.
Why did I even bother...
Why did..
But you don't
Cause you're nothing
Broken down Daddy's Little Daughter.
Aren't'cha."

Gage flinched at the anger in Gabriel's voice, his expression, his whole being.

"Going broke,
Quitting dope
For your folks.
Why did I even bother...
Why did I...."

Finally, Gabriel was done. Tears had started running down his cheeks a few minutes ago, and he didn't bother to wipe them away. Let Gage see just how much he'd hurt Gabriel. Let Gage see how much his choice hurt. Gage had picked his father over his love.

Gage stepped up to him, but Gabriel stepped back. He couldn't bear to be so close to the one he loved, yet be so far away. But now he was trapped between Gage and a tree, and Gage stepped close again. He reached his hands up, cupping Gabriel's cheeks, his thumbs drying his tears. Gabriel's eyes drifted closed at the touch, savoring the feel of his love.

After a moment, he started to pull away, saying, "I have to-"

His words were cut off when Gage's soft lips pressed against his own. Gage pulled away just long enough to whisper, "I chose you. I finally chose you. I love you, Gabriel." Then he was kissing Gabriel again, and Gabriel was letting him. His heart soared at Gage's words, even as he struggled briefly to get away. Very briefly. When his lover's tongue ran along the seam where his lips met, seeking entrance, Gabriel's self-restraint snapped and he groaned, opening his mouth to receive the best kiss of his entire life.