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Saturday, August 31, 2013

"ALYSSA LIES" The Original Video in High Definition HD

This song makes me cry every damn time I listen it. It's so sad. I hope that one day, songs like this won't be needed anymore, because abuse will be be extinct. I doubt it will happen, but I hope for it nonetheless.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Prompt 151 - Destiny

Here’s a short story I wrote based on a prompt from a free story site. Prompt 151: Everyone is always saying that if they could change just one thing, everything in their life would be perfect.  The opportunity came, only instead of better, your life became so much worse. What did you try to change and why?


A voice called softly to me, “Richard.”

I ignored the voice. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to sleep and forget.

“Richard,” the voice called again, and again I ignored it.

I turned over on my side, putting my back to the voice. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, trying not to let the images back in. The images only brought pain and tears.

“Richard, look at me. I can make your pain go away.”

Anger poured over me, through me, and I sat up. I turned to face the voice, fully intending to rip him a new asshole, because nothing, nothing would make the pain go away.

My angry retort died in my throat as I looked up into the most beautiful face I had ever seen. The face was a little angular with a strong jaw, full lips, and deep brown eyes. It was a face I thought I would never see again outside of my nightmares.

“Perrin! Is it really you?” My voice was soft, awestruck.

Perrin smiled, and my heart flipped. Oh God, I’ve missed that smile. “Yes, Richard, it’s me.”

“Oh Perrin! I’ve missed you so much!” I said. I threw myself at him, and he caught me in his big, strong arms, just as he used to do before he—“But how–you’re dead!” I blurted, pulling away slightly.

“Yes, I am dead, my sweet Richard.”

He leaned in and kissed my lips softly. My eyes fluttered closed, but before I could respond to the kiss, he was nudging me to sit back down. I sat.

“Richard, I’ve come to offer you a gift.”

My heart skipped a beat. Was he going to offer to come back to me, to the land of the living? That’s impossible though, isn’t it? Okay, if I were to be honest, the very fact that my dead husband was standing before me was impossible, or so I thought. My heart in my throat, I finally asked, “What gift?”

“It is a rare gift, one that should be used with great caution and a lot of thought.”

“Perrin, what is it?”

He hesitated, and I saw the struggle in his eyes. He didn’t like this gift, and he didn’t like being the one to give it. This realization made me leery.

“Your gift is a do-over. You get to go back in time and change one thing from your past. However–“

“But that’s great!” I said, my heart suddenly racing at the implications. I could have my husband back, alive and well! I could go back and choose to take a different route home, or stay a little longer at the restaurant, or something. I could totally avoid the accident that killed Perrin three months ago, but left me without a scratch.

“However,” Perrin said, breaking into my musings, “once you have changed your destiny, it cannot be changed again, and it cannot be undone. You will have to live with the consequences for the rest of your life, whatever they may be. And Richard? The consequences are very rarely good.”

“I don’t care,” I said. I would not be talked out of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. “I accept the gift. I want to go back and change that night. I want to take a different route home.”

Perrin smiled sadly at me. “I knew you would want to do this. I am forbidden to encourage you either way, so if this is what you really want, close your eyes and think back to that night.”

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to remember that night for the first time. Perrin and I had dropped Will and Sam off at my brother’s house so we could have a much needed night alone. We loved our sons to death, but at ages two and four respectfully, Will and Sam were a handful.

I heard my brother laughing as Perrin said something to him. The laughter sounded close, much closer and much more real than a memory. I felt the cold against my skin, and the scent of cinnamon rolls wafted out into the night.

I opened my eyes, and I was both delighted and amazed to see not the inside of my bedroom; instead, I saw Perrin talking to my brother, Will snuggled up into his chest. I smiled, my heart aching at the beautiful sight of my husband and our child.

I was really back to that fateful night.

“Come on, Per,” I said. As much as I loved looking at him, I wanted to hurry up and leave so I could be with him again, alone. I’d missed him so much.

Perrin turned to look at me, flashing me his mega-watt smile. He handed Will off to my brother, and then we were off. Perrin drove us to the restaurant, navigating the icy streets with ease. I watched him the entire way there, hardly able to turn away, so afraid was I of him disappearing.

Dinner passed quickly, with lots of laughs and flirting. It was fun, and I was finally able to relax, at least until it was time to leave.

I drove us home carefully, taking different streets than I had the first go-round. I was tense and silent until I finally pulled into the drive. Letting out a sigh of relief, I cut the engine and got out.

We had a wonderful night in which I convinced myself that everything was finally okay. We had avoided the accident, so I could relax.

We picked the boys up the next day and took them to the park. Everything was fine at first. The boys were having a snowball fight while Perrin and I sat on a frozen bench and talked. We talked for a good half an hour, glancing up at the boys every few minutes, when we finally decided it was time to get them inside. It was getting colder, and the wind was picking up.

We went to a fast food restaurant for lunch, and then headed home. Will and Sam settled in front of the television with a pillow and blanket for some cartoons and a nap. Perrin sat on the couch with a word search book, and I sat at the other end of the couch, rubbing his feet. It was a nice, stress-free day.

Dinner was full of laughter, and bedtime came too soon.

“Daddy, I don’t wanna go to bed,” Sam said petulantly. “I’m a big boy now. I don’t need a bedtime.”

I grinned down at him. “Does that mean you don’t want Papa to read Harry Potter to you anymore?”

His big brown eyes, so like his father’s, widened. “I’ll go to bed!” he said.

I tucked him into bed, and then sat next to him, Perrin doing the same with Will, and then Perrin began to read, his deep voice changing for each character.


“Daddy,” Sam said as he entered the kitchen. “Will don’t feel good.”

“Okay, buddy. Come eat your cereal with Papa while I go check on him.” I kissed his forehead and left the kitchen.

I made a quick stop at the bathroom for the thermometer, and then headed for the boys’ room. Will was still in bed, and even though he was under a warm comforter, he was shivering. That didn’t bode well.

“Hey, little man,” I said softly as I sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. “I hear you don’t feel good.”

He opened his eyes, and my heart melted. Will looked just like me with his blond hair and blue eyes. I gently brushed a strand of his hair off his face. His skin felt warm, too warm.

“Will, I’m going to take your temperature now, so I need you to give me your ear be very still, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy,” Will said, his voice soft and groggy.

He turned onto his side so I could get to his ear and held still. I placed the ear thermometer, and soon I had his temperature. I frowned and took it again, my heart beating faster. When the reading turned out to be the same as the first time, my frown deepened.


“Yes, bud?”

“My thwoat hurts, and I hurt all over.” Will’s voice was so quiet; I had to lean in to hear him.

I leaned down and kissed his forehead, my heart aching at how hot his skin was. “I’ll be back in a minute. I’m going to call the doctor.”

Out in the hall, I took out my cell phone and called the pediatrician. The receptionist connected me to the doctor.

“Dr. Pierce,” he said.

“Dr. Pierce, this is Richard Gilman. I’m calling because…”


Fifteen minutes later, we were all in the car on our way to the hospital. As Perrin turned onto High Street, I glanced back behind him. Will was strapped in his car seat with a blanket wrapped around him. He was asleep.

“He’ll be okay,” Perrin said quietly.

I flashed him a grateful smile. “I know he will be. I just can’t help worrying.”

“You know, we should—“

“Perrin, look out!” I yelled right before an SUV slammed into us, the sound of metal on metal grating on my ears. Just before everything went black, I heard a scream.


Numb. That’s how I felt as I stood near the graves, surrounded by friends and family as they laid my husband and our son to rest. The preacher’s words were lost on me, and I barely felt Sam clinging to me.

Some of the numbness began wearing off as the coffins were lowered into the cold ground, and I couldn't stop the wave of guilt from washing over me. I had been warned that there would be consequences to this “gift”, consequences that were so rarely ever good, but I wanted my husband back; I didn't care about the consequences.

Now, as I picked up Sam and clung to him, I cared. My selfish decision had taken my husband away from me again, only this time, one of my sons was also taken from me.

I fell to my knees and, still clinging to Sam, I cried. I cried, and I hoped to God that nobody else would be foolish enough to accept such a “gift”.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Forgotten Prince Ch. 6


After Dane’s surgery, he was moved to the ICU, so the doctors could monitor him. Taz and his parents had taken turns sitting at his bedside for the next forty-eight hours. Dane had slept through most of those two days, only staying awake for a couple hours at a time.

During one of those brief interludes, Taz had told him of his decision to marry Tepin.

"Dane," he had said haltingly, "I told Tepin I'd marry him. I'll be leaving as soon as I get my passport." He chewed his bottom lip as he waited for his brother to reply. He was a little afraid of how he'd react to the news.

"That's great, Taz," Dane said. He smiled, but it was sad, resigned smile, making him look older than his fifteen years. Taz hated to see that look on his brother's face.

"But...?" Taz prompted, because he knew there was something his brother wasn't saying.

Smiling sardonically, Dane said, "I knew you'd pick up on that." Dane looked out the hospital room's big window, as if the mid-morning sun would tell him how to continue.

Taz said nothing as the silence stretched into a minute. He took the time to examine his brother. Dane's hair was disheveled, and his skin was a little pale. He looked tired and sore, but otherwise healthy, considering he's just had open-heart surgery.

One minute became two. Taz was eternally grateful that his brother was okay. When the doctor had come out to talk to them after Dane's surgery, he had told them that the hole had been successfully closed. Once he was fully healed, Dane should be fine for the rest of his life.

Two minutes became three, and Taz was beginning to think that his brother might not tell him what was bothering him. He was about to say something when Dane sighed. His brother turned away from the window and looked at him. Dane's light brown eyes bore into into his own. Taz held his gaze, and Dane nodded, seeming to come to a decision.

"You're doing this for our parents and me." Taz just looked at him, and his brother continued. "You're going to go off to some foreign country, and marry some guy you don't know, all so you can spare our parents from going into debt.

It wasn't a question, but he answered as if it were. "Yes."


"Because I love you guys," he said, shrugging as if it were no big deal. And to him, at this moment, it wasn't. "If there's a way I can help, Dane, you know I'm going to take it."

"What about kids?"

"What about them?" Taz asked, frowning. He wasn't quit sure what his brother meant.

Dane had raised the head of his hospital bed earlier, so that he was sitting. He now leaned forward a little, careful of his chest. His face was earnest as he said, "You've always wanted kids."


"And," Dane said, clearly exasperated, if you marry this guy, and he doesn't want kids, then what? You won't be happy if you can't have kids."

Taz sighed. He dug two pieces of Werther's Original hard candies form his pocket and offered one to Dane. When his brother took the proffered candy, Taz popped his own in his mouth, sucking thoughtfully on it.

It was true that he loved kids. It was also true that he wanted to be a father someday.It was definitely something he would need to discuss with Tepin. However, as long as his family was safe and debt free, Taz thought he could be happy with or without kids.

He smiled, a small quirk of his lips. "We'll work it out."

Dane looked skeptical, and he had to laugh.

"You know, I find it amusing that I'm about to marry somebody I hardly know, and yet your only concern seems to be if I'm going to be able to have kids or not," Taz said, smiling wryly. "Aren't you worried about the serious lack of love?"

Dane grinned mischievously, his eyes lighting up like the night sky on Independence Day. "I don't think you'll have to worry about that for long."

"Why not?" Taz asked, frowning.

"Mom said he came over here with you."

Momentarily thrown by the non sequitur, he blinked. "And?"

"Mom thinks he has the hots for you."

Taz just stared blankly at him.

Dane rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. "Mom said that Tepin couldn't keep his eyes off you."

Tepin had been watching him? His heart skipped a beat. But that made no sense, because he had sounded bitter when they were talking about it in Tepin's hotel room. Tepin had seemed to resent that he had to marry him, instead of ruling his own island.

"Are you loopy? Is the morphine making you imagine conversations?"

"I'm serious, Taz," Dane sais earnestly. "Mom said that Dane stayed close to you at all times. He even had his hand on the small of your back," he said triumphantly.

Taz snorted derisively. "He stayed near me because where else would he go? This is a hospital; he's not going to just stroll down the halls, sightseeing."

"I'll give you that, he conceded, "but what about his hand at your back? That's an awfully proprietary touch. I'm telling you," he said cheekily. "The man was staking his claim."

"Oh please," Taz muttered, his cheeks heating. "That's nothing."

"You, brotha, are in serious denial."

They looked at each and laughed.

"Ow," Dane said, his laughter almost immediately stopping, his hands moving up to clutch gingerly at his chest. "Laughing hurts."

"Do you need me to get the nurse," Taz asked, his heart racing. He was ready to panic, but Dane calmed him.

"I'm fine, dork," he said, smiling a little. "It's already starting to feel better. I just can't laugh."

Dane yawned suddenly, a big, jaw-popping yawn that startled them both. He started to giggle, and then hissed.

"Damn it. Not laughing is gonna suck," he complained.

Taz smiled, his chest tight. He loved his brother. He was protective of him, and he absolutely hated seeing him so frail in that hospital bed. It infuriated him that his brother had to go through this hell, and there was nothing that he could do to make it stop. The only think making this even remotely bearable was that according to the doctor, he wouldn't have to go through this again after this. Dane could live his life as a normal, healthy teenager.

Taz reached over and ruffled Dane's dark hair. Then he got up from the uncomfortable chair. "I'm going to go home for a bit. I'll get Mom."

Dane just nodded sleepily as he lowered the head of the bed. He snuggled down under the thin white blanket, his eyes already closing. Taz quietly slipped from the room.

Monday, January 14, 2013


Depression. It’s a word we’ve all heard before, one we think we know the meaning of.

To me, it’s not just a word; it’s a feeling, a state of being. I suffer from depression, and it sucks, big time. Most of the time, I don’t feel like doing jack shit. Sometimes I just want to lie in bed all day. Sometimes I get choked up at the littlest thing—a sad scene in a book or a movie, or a sweet one where the guy tells the other guy (or woman) how much he loves him/her.

Lately, though, since before Christmas, it’s gotten so bad that I start crying for no reason. There was this one time a couple of weeks ago, where I was washing the dishes—the goddamned dishes!—and I had to stop, turn the water off, and sit down, because all of a sudden, I was crying.

Needless to say, depression is seriously kicking my ass. I think this is part of the reason why I am so lazy, why I have yet to get up off my ass and get my GED and a job.

I also feel completely inadequate. Sometimes I don’t believe I’m smart enough to get either my GED or a job, despite my mom telling me I can do it. I guess I’m too afraid to try, and my depression isn't helping.

I know most of you probably think I’m saying all this to get sympathy, or attention or something, but I’m not. I’m just feeling particularly down at the moment, and I can’t find the words to continue with either of my two top priority stories, and I can’t find the words to write a new poem, but I feel as if there are words bursting to get free. So, when I loaded up Word, this is what came out.

I hope everybody else is faring much better.