Depression. It’s a word we’ve all heard before, one we think we know the meaning of.
To me, it’s not just a word; it’s a feeling, a state of being. I suffer from depression, and it sucks, big time. Most of the time, I don’t feel like doing jack shit. Sometimes I just want to lie in bed all day. Sometimes I get choked up at the littlest thing—a sad scene in a book or a movie, or a sweet one where the guy tells the other guy (or woman) how much he loves him/her.
Lately, though, since before Christmas, it’s gotten so bad that I start crying for no reason. There was this one time a couple of weeks ago, where I was washing the dishes—the goddamned dishes!—and I had to stop, turn the water off, and sit down, because all of a sudden, I was crying.
Needless to say, depression is seriously kicking my ass. I think this is part of the reason why I am so lazy, why I have yet to get up off my ass and get my GED and a job.
I also feel completely inadequate. Sometimes I don’t believe I’m smart enough to get either my GED or a job, despite my mom telling me I can do it. I guess I’m too afraid to try, and my depression isn't helping.
I know most of you probably think I’m saying all this to get sympathy, or attention or something, but I’m not. I’m just feeling particularly down at the moment, and I can’t find the words to continue with either of my two top priority stories, and I can’t find the words to write a new poem, but I feel as if there are words bursting to get free. So, when I loaded up Word, this is what came out.
I hope everybody else is faring much better.